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Natural Awakenings North Central New Jersey

Three Steps for Facing Difficult Emotions

Apr 30, 2021 06:30AM ● By Shauna Shapiro
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All of us can feel the impact of these uncertain and challenging times on our hearts and in our nervous systems. While there are parts of the situation that we cannot control, that does not mean we are powerless. When we’re up against change, uncertainty and stress, resilience is the key to navigate life and emerge with more happiness and satisfaction. We can cultivate resilience through the practices of mindfulness and compassion. Here are three key steps to finding greater clarity, calm and well-being.

Naming our emotions. The first step is to bring mindfulness to whatever we are feeling and simply name it. Research shows that acknowledging and naming our emotions allows the body to physiologically calm down. It is helpful to remember that our emotions are here for a reason, metaphorically serving as a smoke alarm to let us know about an impending fire. Ignoring or repressing our emotions can lead to bigger problems, but mindfulness teaches us a different way to manage difficult emotions—acknowledge them and name what we feel—“name it to tame it”. When we name an emotion, it puts the brakes on our reactivity, down-regulates the nervous system and allows us to see clearly.

Welcoming our emotions. The second step is to learn to welcome difficult emotions. Emotions have a limited time span, typically lasting for only 30 to 90 seconds. They arise, do their dance and pass away, like waves in the ocean. When we remember that this painful feeling will not last forever, it becomes more manageable. Through practice, we can learn to welcome all our emotions with an attitude of kindness and curiosity. This involves becoming interested in the emotion and the felt experience in the body. For example, we may feel sadness as a tightening in the throat or fear as a contraction in the belly. All emotions have their signature in the body.

Compassion for ourselves and others. The final step to managing difficult emotions is to cultivate compassion. Self-compassion involves treating ourselves as we would a dear friend that is suffering. The willingness to face the pain in ourselves and in life takes great courage. As we practice self-compassion, we learn not only to grow from our own struggles and sorrows, but to connect with the sufferings and sorrows of others. We realize that we are not alone in our fear and overwhelm, and become aware of the many others right now that are also afraid. As we recognize our common humanity, our isolation begins to lessen and we understand that we are all in this together.


Shauna Shapiro, Ph.D., is an internationally recognized expert in mindfulness and compassion whose most recent book is Good Morning, I Love You: Mindfulness & Self-Compassion Practices to Rewire the Brain for Calm Clarity and Joy. 

5 Top Tips to Finding Your Next Doctor

1 Keep an Open Mind! Healthcare has come a long way. Today, you have access to practitioners that branch outside of traditional medicine and aim to identify the root causes of conditions while using alternative treatments that may help you get the relief you need. Just because it’s not a pill, doesn’t make it pseudoscience.

2 Build Your Health Care Team. There is no one doctor that can be the be-all-end-all for your health needs. Be sure to have a team of practitioners with different “lenses” and areas of expertise who will treat the root cause and not just the symptom(s).

3   Environment Influences Healing. Health is multi-factorial. Your mental and emotional environment plays a pivotal role in your healing potential. Your doctors and their staff should create an office atmosphere filled with positivity so you can get the most out of your care.

4 Your Story Matters.  Before you begin any treatment, be sure to have a comprehensive consultation to discuss your health concerns. Find practitioners who welcome questions and will take the time to listen and treat you with respect.

5 Report of Findings. When it comes to our health, we often make decisions without understanding the risk versus benefits. Knowledge is an important part of the healing process and is essential to make conscious, informed health decisions. Find practitioners who take the time to explain their exam findings and the recommendations for treatment in ways that make sense to you.

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